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What The Sample Lady Won’t Tell You

Grocery samples are an invention of the devil; it’s mentioned in the Book of Revelations. “And a toothpick of fire shall cleave portions of a pepperoni pizza reeking of sulfur, and tongues and roofs of mouths shall be burnt lightly, and shops shall close early for the holidays.” So sure, go over and eat that stuff, but don’t be surprised when green goo starts pouring out of your eyeballs.
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