As you lay in the rubble, cataloging which of your organs has been crushed beyond repair and which are probably still ok, if they can just be tucked back into your body, pray that you're not in Tokyo, because a government-sanctioned robot will pull you out and eat you.
The second to last thing I expected to hear today was that my mom was entering the presidential race. The last thing I expected was that she'd do so in bear form.
"After lunch she stood up and read the entire letter in front of the class and embarrassed the living daylights out of me. A week later, I put a dead mouse in her trapper keeper and she threw up."
The news doesn't make sense all the time - or even most of the time, especially if you read the paper upside down. So why should we insist that news coverage makes sense?
Let's, as a society, get past the idea that our home videos of dressing up as King Burger and subsequently walking into a Burger King are somehow hilarious. He's their mascot; where else would he go?
"Near new pole, still in box, no dings, etc. Daughter moved out. I'm too big to use this. Adjustable, mounts to floor and ceiling. Key words: stripper, exercise, health, pole "
Quote of the day from Joel Stein's grandmother.
Is there any kind of fund we can put together for this guy, for the last 4 1/2 years?