A Super Group for Super-People

Even super-powered heroes need support groups when times are tough.

Superheroes. We see them day after day, thwarting would-be robbers, pulling hapless shoppers out of burning mall buildings and spouting glittering catchphrases like nobody’s business. They protect us from the evils of the world, ask little in return and look really snazzy in their costumes.

But what about THEIR feelings?

A new support group for superheroes has begun in Green Lake. Known as Justice League Anonymous, its purpose is to give the world’s mightiest and most amazing a chance to get their feelings off their chests in a supportive environment.

“It’s really great,” says one member known only as Super M. “Just last week I had this paranoid fear that somebody knew my secret identity, so I flew around town checking all the telephone booths for hidden microphones and cameras. Non-superheroes just can’t relate to that! It’s nice to meet with people in the same situation as me and know that I’m not the only one who feels this way.”

The group’s founder, known in group circles as “Green L.,” came up with the idea for a super support group about a year ago. In his book, “Chicken Soup for the Super-Soul,” he writes: “My colleagues were doing their jobs, and doing them well. But it was obvious that behind their masks and giant flowing capes there were a lot of unhappy people. That was a super-problem, and it demanded a super-solution.” His 12-step program for superheroes has been hailed by therapists from planet to planet as an invaluable tool for crimefighters to learn to love themselves and not just their special abilities. Says the superhero/psychologist known as Wavelength, amidst a background of flashing lights and hypnotic music: “You now understand that the group is very helpful… VERY helpful… and that question about funding isn’t worth asking… NOT worth asking…”

While Justice League Anonymous has helped its members grow emotionally, it’s also saved them in a more literal way. Just last month a group of super-villains known as the Really Cool Mob invaded Green Lake and stumbled onto the support group’s secret meeting place. “First of all,” says Super M., “they showed up in the middle of our danish break, which is a big no-no! But then they pushed their way to the front of the room and started doing really awful sketch comedy.”

Adds Wonder W., “When we didn’t laugh at the jokes, they started attacking. Long story short, we kicked their hinders from here to Tuscaloosa. It was great to have the odds be fair for once, instead of it always being four million of them against one of me. I’d really love to give everybody a thank-you card, but I can’t since we’re all anonymous!” (The Really Cool Mob recently reached a plea-bargain agreement with Green Lake authorities which would see them plead guilty in return for their eating three frozen meals a day for a year.)

While Justice League Anonymous is for superheroes only, their families and friends can find support and encouragement at Justanon, a newly-formed subsidiary group that focuses on issues such as constantly being used by villains as bait and living with the knowledge of a hero’s secret identity.

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