Constable’s Day

In Max Banner by Max Banner0 Comments

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Here’s a true ghost story that I think Danielle Steel wrote. It’s one of my favorites.

It starts in London, because that’s where ghosts always start. They say ghosts die first and then come back to life, but who knows if it’s really the other way around. But it’s definitely in London. There was this policeman there in London, but back then they were called “constables” or “coppers” back in those days, cause it was before the word “policeman” had been invented. And he was very upset about that, so he told his wife he was going to go kill himself because he wanted to be a policeman and not a constable or a copper.

So he walked down to that river that runs through all of England, and there’s this mummy standing there. And the mummy says, “Come here, mister constable,” and they walk over to Central Park, which was in London back then. The mummy was actually a robber who was trying to give back all the money Robin Hood took away from the rich. He wanted to rob everybody and give the rich their money back. He was just about to get the constable’s money but the constable gave him a big karate chop to the face and the mummy fell apart, since mummies are hollow on the inside and it doesn’t take a lot to stop them. Even though this guy wasn’t really a mummy it was still true.

So the constable had saved himself from the mummy and didn’t feel like jumping in the river anymore. He was going to pick up some pasta from the grocery store on his way home, only there was a sculpture competition going on down the block from Central Park. And as the constable walked past, the sculptors were chipping little bits of marble and rock down to the ground. One sculptor saw the constable walking by and got angry, since his brother lived in the ghetto and had gotten beat up by the cops a lot. And so he chipped off a huge piece of marble so that it fell on the constable and killed him. The constable ducked out of the way just in time, but then he had to arrest the sculptor and book him down at the station and by the time he finished with all the paperwork he had starved to death.

Because of that, every third Wednesday in October is known as Constable’s Day. Grocery stores have reported constable-shaped ghosts hovering in the aisle where they keep all the pasta. I myself have seen the ghosts a couple times. They’re harmless but they definitely want the pasta, and get bummed out because they’re dead and they can’t eat it. Too bad, because Wednesday is also Prince spaghetti night and they’re missing out on everything.

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