Gordon Jump, Guardian of the Pre-Big Bang Universe

In a big country, dreams stay with you

I love it when you do this, Brady! My question: What existed before the Big Bang. Zoe’s question: Did Alex get ate?

-Katerina in Illinois

BIG, that’s what existed. Everything was big before the Big Bang, and what a world it was… Everybody cheered for players like “Big Papi” David Ortiz and teams in the Big Ten; Big John Studd and “Big Cat” Ernie Ladd fought over wrestling’s world championship. Everybody shopped at Big Lots (they bought a lot of Big Red chewing gum) and took trips to the Big Apple to get a Big Gulp. Movies like “The Big Lebowski,” “The Big Sleep” and, of course, “Big” starring Tom Hanks played non-stop. TV was full, too, with “Big Bang Theory,” “Big Love,” “Big Brother” and “Big The Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (nothing can stop that guy, not even ). The president of the United States was Arthur Carlson, the “Big Guy” from “WKRP”, and The Notorious B.I.G. was the pope. And the number one song every week was “In a Big Country” by Big Country, followed by tunes from Big Star and Big Audio Dynamite. And Alex got ate all the time. (assuming that’s what he wants)

It all came apart, though, when someone in our plane of existence created the coupon. The chance to avail oneself of “big big savings” was enough to cause the pre-Big Bang sphere of reality to come unglued in a big way, and thus our universe was born, a universe in which pieces of big reality have been scattered, but one in which Alex could not get ate (unless that’s what he wants.) Now how a person could invent the coupon in a universe that didn’t yet exist is still unknown; they call it the Big Conundrum. Maybe someone should just offer them 50 cents off a tub of cheese doodles and see if they can figure it out.

– Brady

Comments

comments

Leave a Reply