Max Banner

I always thought that Dr. Seuss should do a sequel to Green Eggs and Ham where that little guy opens his own restaurant. It was called Green Eggs and Hashbrowns because after he opens the restaurant he reads that other book The Jungle and gets all upset because of all that disgusting stuff in there. I did too when I read it. Unless it was that Danielle Steel book I left in the washing machine all last year.

So the little guy’s unhappy, but a magician from the pork factory comes to his restaurant and tries to break his kneecaps so he won’t have to pay the check. It’s sort of a futuristic detective story for kids. And it would take place on the Moon. I forgot that part of it.

Of all the books I’ve seen, kids like the ones where trees learn to play hockey the best. And it’s not just the excitement of hockey-playing trees neither. There’s something symbolic in there about growing your own food through sunlight, which is so ridiculous that only a kid would believe it. Kids have good imaginations so they can really go for things like that. Like when the hockey sticks break, the trees can just cut off part of their trunks to make a new one.

We may have hockey-playing trees in the future, I don’t know. We may even have them now, buried in the rainforest somewhere. National Geographic won’t cover it if there are though. They hush things like that up all the time so they can sell more calendars. The calendar companies have no respect for the athletic ability of trees.

Which country has lots of trees? Canada. And they like hockey too. It’s too strange to believe, but then they don’t have Dr. Seuss there so you really have to wonder.

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