“There were knives and guns and everything just went haywire,” says Harvey Westmoreland, putting it mildly:
Now by my measure Harvey’s still got a pretty serious beard going, but obviously he’s more than a little upset that someone forced him to eat his beard under duress. So, much like the whole Curtis Got Slapped manifesto, I propose Harvey gets a little restitution for his trouble. Like, say, free passes to the World Beard and Mustache Championships, autographs from Charlie Daniels, Leon Russell and Jimmy McMillan. And let’s add him to the San Francisco Giants’ bullpen while we’re at it. Clearly somebody fears the beard.
Alright, if all of that is too much, then let’s at least give him a good nickname from this news package: Harvey “Big Story” Westmoreland.