Jeremy Spoke In Sales Seminar Today

The boy who spoke in class causes new ruckus during corporate retreat

Almost fourteen years to the day that he spoke in class, Jeremy has spoken again – this time, during a seminar for sales managers at the Green Lake Sports Bar and Convention Center.

The news, which has shocked everyone from former classmates and teachers to coworkers to famous Seattle grunge rockers, marks the first public information in over a decade about Jeremy, who has deliberately kept a low profile since the day he spoke in class.

The incident occurred during a training session for middle managers in the sales department for Bigger Than Freaking Broccoli LLC, where Jeremy has worked as a district sales manager since finishing school. The company, which describes itself on its website as “providing 21st century business-to-business solutions for growth and profitability,” had flown its sales staff to Green Lake for a three-day corporate retreat.

According to eyewitnesses, sales consultant “Big” Brett Mancuso was mid-way through his presentation “Six Ways To Turn ‘Hell No’ into ‘Well, I’ll Think About It’” when an already antsy Jeremy got up, walked to the front of the room, and spoke.

“My jaw dropped wide open,” said assistant sales director Harley Dayton. “It was like something out of a bad music video.” Shocked coworkers spent their scheduled karaoke night calling loved ones or meeting with counselors; Bigger Than Freaking Broccoli executives rushed to the scene to investigate and manage the PR fallout, and Convention Center event planners said that, despite trying, they were unable to erase this from the dry-erase board.

What caused the incident remains unclear. Some speculate Jeremy might have been provoked into speaking: “They probably unleashed a lion,” said former schoolmate Jeff Corwin (“no jokes about my name, please, I’m not the nature guy”), who was on hand to “experience” (“hey, you little s__t!”) the day Jeremy spoke in class, and also clearly remembers picking on the boy. “The Jeremy I knew in school wouldn’t just up and speak one day if there weren’t a reason.” Some Bigger Than Broccoli employees, asking not to be identified, have confirmed that Jeremy’s coworkers generally thought of him as a “harmless little f__k” and privately referred to him as “that speaking guy.”

Others, though, say the roots of the speaking were less sympathetic: “He’s just a spineless little jerk who won’t grow up,” said popular TV host Dr. Freddy. “We know that daddy didn’t give affection, that mommy didn’t care. Please – the rest of us have grown up, gotten it together and gotten healthy thanks to my books, DVD’s and wellness shakes. Jeremy obviously wants to speak in situations like this.”

Whether Jeremy wants to speak, if he will speak again, and what would possess someone to name their business Better Than Freaking Broccoli are, of course, just some of the many questions to arise in the aftermath of Jeremy speaking again. There are, as of yet, few answers. But there are those who plan to look. A consortium of popular music groups say they’ll organize a series of charity concerts to raise public awareness about speaking. “Project Don’t Speak is our way of trying to help,” said entertainment impresario Aaron Irving. “We want people to know there are options, there are alternatives to speaking.” One of the singers nodded, adding “hoo – hoo – hoo – hoo – hoo – hoo – hoo – hoo – hoo – hoo – hoo – hoo – hoo – hoo – hoo – hoo – hoo – hoo – hoo – hoo – hoo – hoo – hoo – hoo – ay-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay.”

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