Lame New World Week 2: Willie Aames is a Pregnant Robot

We’re back with another week of documenting the movements that are infiltrating mainstream culture bit by bit, handmade product by handmade product. This is not pretty work – last week’s entry proved that – but I just pretend I’m an anthropologist and it makes this more bearable. It’s a strategy that works for pretty much any uncomfortable situation. One time I was taken hostage by these dudes and I just pretended I was James Bond and started making wisecracks. He beat me pretty savagely with his gun handle, but after just fifteen years of daily therapy I’m very close to remembering my childhood again!

The rules, if you’ve forgotten (or if someone’s beaten them out of you): each submission can gain its movement up to ten points, or lose up to five. And believe me, we’re ready to enforce the latter.

The Star Wars Movement

Millennium Falcon bed
This woman built a bed in the shape of the Millennium Falcon, and by “built” I mean she won it from Lando Calrissian in a high-stakes game of sabacc. That means the bed is actually secondhand, and I sure don’t see a label to that effect anywhere. While the project wins points for effort and craft, no one should go to bed worrying if they’ll have to replace the negative power couplings on their bed in the night, so a few points off for that.

Points: +3

The Robot Movement

Pregnant robot
The robot people turned in a weak performance last week with Aiko, the lady robot lovechild. This week the robot people give us a real robot lovechild – and its pregnant motherbot. This is from the University of Arizona, and I gotta say, I like the idea of having med students practice delivering robot babies first – let them make their mistakes on the droid instead of on us, right? So this is going to get high marks and – wait, I’m sorry, I’m looking at the head, which seems to be modeled on OH MY GOD IN HEAVEN

Willie Aames and the pregobot
Good lord, they modeled the head after Willie Aames from “Charles in Charge”! We may not see another obstetrical doctor in Arizona for many, many years, and if we do, we have to worry now that they’re having flashbacks to the movie “Zapped” during each delivery. Down with the robot people already.

Points: -5

The Periodic Table Movement

Periodic table on the outside of a taxi
The Periodic Taxi is looking sharp! I can only hope it runs on noble gases. Oh, it doesn’t? Disappointing.

Points: +4

The Video Game Movement

Guitar shaped like a Koopa
Another Mario-themed entry this week – hopefully the other 20 million video games aren’t getting jealous, because this Koops guitar is representing their movement well. Looks sturdy as well as stylish, and you have to assume that Koopa shells would put out a lengthy sustain that could only give you more versatility. The only negative here is that, judging from the design, you’re putting a Koopa jaw right near your, um, area, which could be dangerous. Still, I’m quite impressed and a little jealous; see, in eighth grade industrial arts I wanted to make a guitar in the shape of Bill the Cat from “Bloom County,” but it was way beyond my skill level and I settled for making a foosball table instead. A foosball table whose players couldn’t kick the ball because a) I overvarnished and made the control rods immobile, and b) I installed the rods so high off the ground the players wouldn’t have been able to kick the ball anyway. So I’ll take a point off because I stink at woodworking and have always been bitter about it.

Points: +7

The LEGO Movement

LEGO snowman
Another impressive contribution from the LEGO contingent, this time a LEGO snowman, or a LEGsnOwman? Snow-LEGO? Whatever. It’s cute to the point of restoring my faith in humanity after that Willie Aames thing.

Points: +5

So, after week two, the standings are as follows:

S.Wars Robots P. Table V.Games LEGO

11

-6

10

11

12

Until next week…

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