Lame New World Week 5: To Pac-Man, Your TV is Just Another Energy Pill

In Blog by Brady Carlson0 Comments

Star Wars Tuna Commercial

One last check-in before we wrap up the month, because winter isn’t painful enough on its own!

The rules, once again: each submission can gain its movement up to ten points, or lose up to five.

The Star Wars Movement

Last week’s Star Wars entry was so incomprehensible it singlehandedly dropped the movement into last place in our little contest. This week’s entry is so incomprehensible it may restore the balance of the Force – and I don’t just mean in this contest. Introducing, the insanely cheerful Japanese Star Wars tuna commercial

Just like last week, almost everything is wrong about this commercial: the Jawa here is taller than everybody, Chewbacca is jumping up and down like Donkey Kong, and the Galactic Civil War was not solved when the lead players from both sides sat down for a little “sea chicken.” But even if it was, that would still not make me feel like my life was spiraling out of control, the way the burlesque show did. So as weird as this is, it gets a big vote of approval here. Remember that quote from This is Spinal Tap, “There’s a fine line between stupid and clever”? We are standing on that line.

Points: +7

The Robot Movement

Some guy surrenders to a robot

It was nice to see the robot people starting to move out of the realm of frightening love dolls and into more conventional areas of robotics. Like gymnastics! Or like defusing hostage crises!

Police had negotiated with Taylor by phone, but he made no demands other than a request for a pizza. He is reported to have told police he had a military background.

A team of SWAT police sheltered behind vehicles as Taylor wheeled himself out and “surrendered” to a bomb-disposal robot.

Now some may say this bomb-disposal bot is going beyond his mandate. If we let robots do police work, they say, aren’t we encouraging robots to turn into Robocop-style vigilantes? Possibly, but this fella is preventing violence, not creating it. He’s getting an alleged hostage-taker to surrender instead of destroying every fourth building in Detroit. I think this bot’s enterprising spirit and can-do attitude are just what we need in these troubled times. And with a little luck, he’ll follow in Robocop’s footsteps and make a successful post-retirement transition from police work into pro wrestling.

Points: +5

The Math and Science Movement

We’ve broadened this movement to include all math and science, but that doesn’t mean we don’t have room for more periodic table stuff. That’s why this week’s entry is the Periodic Table of Smellements:

Periodic Table of Smellements

I have a tremendously weak stomach, so reading a long list of strong smells is not, perhaps, the best thing in the world for me. That said, look at the bottom right: if “Vomity Corpse” doesn’t make you smile, you probably think this is a personal finance blog.

Points: +3

The Video Game Movement

Pac-Man bookcase

What’s not to like about a Pac-Man bookcase that eats your TV? Only that he’s not yet available for sale. Also coming soon: a robotic Dig Dug statue that plows your garden, and a Defender-themed dishwasher that kidnaps the people in your house and turns them into mutants.

Points: +6

The LEGO Movement

LEGO chocolates

Ok, LEGO chocolates, very cute, but there’s a massive problem here. If you read that whole entry, you’ll note that these LEGO chocolates were served at a dragon and sword-fighting-themed wedding. Hey, have whatever kind of wedding you want (do not have a Star Wars burlesque show wedding), but be consistent. LEGOs aren’t dragons. Or I hope they aren’t, cause I left a bunch of Duplo playsets next to that box of oily rags in my attic.

Points: -2

So, after week five, the standings are as follows:

S.Wars Robots Science V.Games LEGO

12

3

17

20

16

Until next week…

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