Max Banner

If I could make a robot out of your brother’s personality,  some high-tech circuitry and some smaller robots, I’d probably do it. Here’s why: a robot of your brother is going to give the world the benefits of a robot of your brother, without the drawbacks of your brother’s face. I mean, think about it. That face is not going to cut it for much longer. It’s not the mid 90’s anymore.

Programming your brother’s face can be difficult – I should know. The first time I saw your brother’s face was the same day I hired a guy to do some light cleaning around the house, and when I said “don’t break any of my Hummel figurines” he laughed and stole my belt sander. I don’t have any Hummel figurines, so it shows what he knows.

Your brother’s atttitude about the whole thing is crucial. If we go to his house and say “Can we program your face?” he may say “yes” or “no” or “how did my pants get on” or the like, and this will tell us if he’s really ready to participate or whether we have to send him to the hypnotist. By the way, that guy smells.

Robot arms! It’s not just for faces anymore, either. Robot arms are a really interesting breakthrough, especially for people who’ve been turned into robots by really incompetent scientists who sometimes forget to add the arms back on. The only trouble is if the robot arms come to life and decide they want whatever’s in your wallet. That can be tricky. Just don’t carry your credit cards around if you have robot arms, and if they try anything funny get a speakerphone so the robot arms can’t hang up on people you like. Also, take the bus instead of driving if your robot arms turn evil.

None of this is relevant, however, without knowing that the first computers were not big vacuum tube room-sized machines. Not at first. That was only after they got on the roids. That’s when they grew by a hundred times and started getting all evil and sending people into space to get eaten. Things could have been a lot better.

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.