Smurf Shot While Smurfing

In Blog by Brady Carlson0 Comments

Smurf with a gun

Between the Gumby crime spree and the recent Smurf shooting, the world may very well be turning into a war between furries and non-furries.

A man in a Smurf costume was shot in the leg while leaving a Halloween party Sunday morning.

The man left a party on 6th Avenue and 30th Street at about 2:30 a.m., said Sgt. Mayberry at the LAPD Southwest station, who would not give his first name.

He encountered a group of gang members and was shot once in the calf, Mayberry said. He was transported to a local hospital and was in stable condition.

For our readers in the Smurf community, we present this translation:

A Smurf in a Smurf costume was smurfed in the leg while smurfing a Halloween party Sunday morning.

The Smurf smurfed a party on 6th Avenue and 30th Street at about 2:30 a.m., said Sgt. Mayberry at the LAPD Smurfwest station, who would not smurf his first smurf.

I wanted to draw attention to one more thing. The above information was provided by “Sgt. Mayberry at the LAPD… who would not give his first name.” It’s possible that Sgt. Mayberry has no first name, that he’s only got one name, like Indonesian strongman Suharto, or Cher. Or “Mayberry” is just an alias they use down at the precinct to keep the press out of their hair – Mayberry, after all, was home to police icon Andy Taylor on “The Andy Griffith Show.” (LA Times reporters: be wary if you get a call to police returned by a “Captain Hillstreetblues” or a “Detective LawandorderSpecialVictimsUnit.”) But names aren’t the only things this Mayberry fellow is reticent to provide:

Mayberry said the victim was painted blue but could not confirm that he was dressed as a Smurf.

“Could not confirm” could mean a lot of things. It could mean “I don’t know what a Smurf looks like,” or it could mean “The victim was painted blue and could have just as easily been dressed as a member of the Blue Man Group, or former US Senate candidate Stan Jones,” or “I can’t believe that after 30 years in this job I have to adopt an alias and answer questions about Smurfs.” The reporter should really take this to Sgt. Mayberry’s boss, “Lieutenant Dragnet ’68.”

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