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One time my brother Dolph and I were sitting in one of those plastic things where you wait until the bus shows up, and it started snowing. Dolph says, “Not more snow, I just finished writing the almanac and it says there wouldn’t be more snow today.” And I says, “How can you tell that it’s snow and not rap music? It’s getting so’s I can’t even tell them apart.” And he thought that was pretty good, so he crossed out “snow” and put “rap music” in the almanac. He sold all of his copies on the bus that very day.

For most people, though, it really is hard to tell the difference between rap music and snow. I know I had trouble for the first few months. I figured rap music was just a weather pattern that would dissipate after a couple weeks. They’d give it a name when a big rap music would come near the coast, like “Rap Music Humberto” or whatever, and then the news would have a “RapCenter 5” on there so everybody would get how important it was. But the news guys didn’t have the guts, those cowards. They’re afraid of changing anything because the auto dealer might get upset and drive a car into the studio.

Hey, my brother Dolph drove one into a TV studio once. There was nobody there and he wanted to prove that they taped their late nite shows during the day. He kept telling the judge it was a science experiment but they didn’t listen. He’s like Galileo, they made him apologize and then he could get his car back.

And then they started letting the rap music guys onto TV to talk about the weather! I knew that’s when people would get really confused. It’s like letting a storm cloud announce the baseball game. One time a rap music guy came on TV and started doing the ten-day forecast but he could only get through four of the days, the ones where it was partly cloudy with mild temperatures. He knew that if he talked about the snow days that everyone would know who he really was and he’d be finished. The TV station would lose their license and it’d still snow all day anyway. So that was that.

So if you want a good forecast, check to see if there’s any rap music guys doing the weather that day. With enough training you can spot an impostor. But if you drive your car into a TV studio they’ll just get mad at you and the rap guy will run away.

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