Sourdough Bread: The Choice For Depressed Kings

Max Banner

I was watching this show about depressed people last night, I think it was called “King of Queens” and the guy who was the king was all upset because he couldn’t go to the bathroom while somebody else was in there. And they only had one bathroom so it was this big to-do. I felt pretty bad for the guy cause he only had one bathroom but there were like four TV cameras in his house. If that were my house I’d talk to the super about it but he wouldn’t do anything about it anyway. “That’s not what they pay me for, Max!” Yeah, right.

I couldn’t sleep cause I was thinking of the king’s problem, and I heard this noise outside my building, it sounded like some guy ran his car into the dumpster again. And then it hit me: sourdough bread! They should put that on a sandwich and give it to the king, and then he wouldn’t be so depressed.

It’s a little-known fact that sourdough bread was invented in 1723 by German settlers in China, who were about to be executed for trying to kill the emperor. They ate some sourdough bread as their last meal and it was delicious because they’d just invented it. They came to the execution smiling and cheerful, and the emperor asked why they were so happy. They explained about the bread and the emperor had his cooks whip some up. The settlers thought it was their big chance to be spared, and they were even happier when the emperor said he loved the bread. He ate it the whole time they were being beaten to death by the executioners.

So the king on TV should eat sourdough bread, but maybe not if he’s waiting to go to the bathroom all the time. Then he’d have stomach troubles and that’d just make him more depressed.

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