“If I was stranded on an island, and somebody told me I could only watch one sport for the rest of my life, I’d pick pinochle. Boxing is too violent for that sort of thing.”
If I was stranded on an island, and somebody told me I could only watch one sport for the rest of my life, I’d pick pinochle. Boxing is too violent for that sort of thing. Besides, if I was stranded on an island with somebody who made me watch the same sport forever, I’d kick his ass. What kind of jerk makes somebody watch only one sport?
Actually I was stranded on an island once. There was this guy there who would get so excited every time a boat or plane went by. He kept yelling stupid stuff like “Raise the flag!” and “Quick! Light a fire!”Ã‚? I had to tie him up. He was making it hard for me to think about how to get rescued. Finally a boat came by and took me back to the mainland. Wait, maybe that was at an amusement park. Somebody must have untied the guy eventually.
I do like boxing a lot, though. In fact, I’ve watched enough boxing that I can teach you the secrets to being a champion at boxing. The first tip is to have the right technique. Punching is the best weapon you have in the ring. It’s powerful and aggressive. Kicking is powerful and aggressive but this is boxing, you moron. You don’t kick people in boxing. That’s kickboxing. That’s a whole different sport.
The hardest part of being a boxer is getting hit in the undershorts. There are ways to defend against when your opponent hits you in the undershorts but I don’t know what they are. When I boxed (once) I just looked mad at the other guy and he left my undershorts alone. That’s another tip, look mad. That’ll make the opponent nervous. Don’t make him too nervous or he’ll wet his undershorts and who would want to hit him then. It takes the fun out of it.
Also, don’t look mad at the referee or he’ll yell at you. I sat ringside at this George Foreman fight and I made faces at the referee the whole time. George won the title that night thanks to me, because I was in the other guy’s corner and I wrecked the ref’s concentration. Plus George knocked the guy out after four punches. The trainers had to box for three rounds so the fans wouldn’t throw chairs.
So remember, in sports it’s not whether you win or lose, but how you play the game. But in boxing if you lose your head hurts something awful, so don’t lose.