We're thinking of changing the sign on our front door to read "NO SOLICITORS OR VIOLENT GENOME CREATURES."
"I've been wondering if Americans for a Balanced Budget Amendment had taken a position on the Balanced Budget Amendment."
"Giggling at the darker side of reality... that's best left to one of those "edgy" comics, really. Or a drunk guy on Facebook."
I went through a phase where anytime someone called me up to hang out, I'd quote Coolio and say "How we gonna get there? We ain't got no car, fool!" But that ended after both of my friends stopped calling me and hired goons to physically drag me to the billiard halls and rock clubs that made up our social lives.
It was times like these when I thought my Twinkie, who hated guns and had never been to any wars, was the bravest snack cake who ever lived.
Wikki is the second cat to be named after a website. The first is known as "Mel" and is named after CatsWhoFlyOverMelGibsonsHouse.com.
Just imagine how big the Beatles might have been if Wikipedia had been around to clear up things like this!
Why aren't more things made out of NERF? Why aren't more things made out of dried Liquid Paper?
Some songs written by two people don't come from the combined efforts of those two people. They come from elves, who write the songs while they wait for the Fudge Stripes to finish baking.
On January 3, 1983, it was announced that Gary Coleman ate "Wheaties"