The Phantom Nixon

In Nixon Everywhere by Brady Carlson

Darth Maul was unquestionably the coolest character in the first Star Wars prequel. He had the coolest lightsaber ever and horns. And that cool design on his face. And also horns, and besides that, horns.

The horns, and the lightsaber, and the funky red face. The guy was malevolent – exactly what you want in a Phantom Menace. Nobody rags on George Lucas about Darth Maul, because he was the one piece of Episode One George got right. Well, other than the fact that he was only in like three scenes, and said almost nothing, and (SPOILER ALERT FOR A MOVIE THAT’S OVER A DECADE OLD) got killed off cause, yeah… anyway, we could all benefit from a little taste of the Dark Side, and that’s what the Darth Maul Me app gives you – a chance to Maul-ify yourself, or any old face you like.

Guess which face I picked?

Richard Nixon with Darth Maul face

Hmm. It’s not as Maul-ish as I’d hoped. In fact, it looks more like Nixon bought a box of cereal that had a “free translucent Darth Maul mask for kids!” cutout on the back of the box, and the mask is hovering right over his face.

On the plus side, the misplaced horns make it look like Nixon’s got his hair in cornrows.

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