I'm Smooth

Clearing the decks of some smooth criminal news today.

Up first: you definitely qualify as smooth when even the bank teller you’re robbing doesn’t take you seriously:

the 28-year-old man — whose disguise that day included swimming goggles and a bright pink scarf — approached a teller and demanded she give him money. When she asked him if he was “having a laugh,” Collins threatened to detonate what employees thought was a bomb, according to BBC.

The son of Esther Williams and Liberace was briefly held for questioning, but was later released.

Saddest of all here: he was doing the robbery to pay a court fine.

The Scottish man confessed to holding up a banking building in the city of Glasgow in the hopes of stealing enough cash to pay off the $3,200 fine he’d been ordered to give his victim after being convicted of assault in June.

So it’s come full circle. Sort of. Whatever.

A Winner Is You

Next: pulling a heist with a video game controller? Better hope a cop doesn’t walk in or it’ll be GAME OVER. I really should’ve been a writer for COPS.

[The suspect] hid the game controller in his pocket and pretended it was a gun as he tried to rob the Sun Food Store on 62nd Avenue S.

He was arrested by a police officer who walked into the store in the middle of the robbery, police said.

Keep in mind this was a regular Playstation controller – not a light gun, which might have been a wee bit more plausible.


Finally, you may have already heard about the woman who more or less wrecked a liquor store because she wasn’t allowed to use the bathroom. But did you hear about the canine catastrophe she caused as well?

WPIX reports that the rampage resulted in $2,000 in lost liquor and that “several” employees were injured while cleaning up the broken glass. A dog named Rex was also reportedly shaken by the incident.

Cheer up, Rex! At least you don’t have to worry about hanging around with Morrissey.