Let's play money making game.

How do I win at life? Where is the secret door to the free money level located?

-Ed in New York

This is a question we get a lot – the programmer(s) for the game of life made it extremely difficult. Most players have a hard time figuring out who the villains are, much less defeating them – unlike, say, Space Invaders, where the aliens are basically sashaying back and forth like a chorus line, villains in the game of life don’t always move or behave in a predictable way.

Space Invader aliens do a Rockettes-style kickline
Live from Radio City Music Hall, Insert Coin for Kickline

But there are ways to succeed in the game of life. Two of them, in fact. One way is to come up with something so unbelievably brilliant that everyone who sees it mails you a check. Like, say, me coming up with a Space Invaders kickline. I mean, who wouldn’t want to send me money after seeing something like that? It’s fun, it’s fresh – let’s face it, where else are you gonna find something that good? Livejournal? Hah.

A spot-on spoof of a whiny LiveJournal blog

The other way to succeed and find the free money level is to walk down the street and have a safe fall on your head. But I’m pretty sure that only works if you’re one of the Three Stooges. Either way, good luck.

– Brady