Mr. Coffin was sensational throughout. Way better than Mr. Peanut, who was also briefly considered for the role.

I’d like to apologize for my outburst at the start of our last recap. While the calendar is an increasing concern for your humble A-Team recapper, there’s no reason to think that this project won’t end on time, with me holding a large bag of money and standing on a pile of my enemies.

Here’s a metaphor that should explain what I’m getting at: years ago, when I was teaching, I took part in a workshop about handling drug issues in the classroom. The important thing, we first year teachers were told, was to deal with such situations with seriousness and compassion; get the drugs out of school, of course, but also find a way to help the kid who was using. Above all, we learned, we shouldn’t panic. In fact, they said, one new teacher had witnessed two students in a marijuana sale under their desks during class, and instead of confiscating the drugs and sending the students to the proper authorities, she yelled “OH MY GOD,” ran out of the room to get the dean and came back, to find the students had stashed the drugs.

We all found this funny, except for one colleague who confessed that she was the teacher who had panicked, and so everyone ended up looking bad by the end of the workshop. Three of them tried heroin before the first coffee break. But I think of it now, as a reminder that even though I’m in a serious situation with the timeline of this project, I shouldn’t run out of the room screaming “OH MY GOD” and should instead confiscate the drugs. And then not make fun of myself for panicking while in a roomful of first year teachers.

The Bend in the River – Part 2

Wild Guess Preview: When we left off, the A-Team was somewhere on the Amazon, trying to save Tawnia’s stringy boyfriend from Mr. Coffin, the ferocious ocean pirate. But Coffin confides in Hannibal that he is not the dread pirate Coffin, that he inherited it, and that the real Coffin had been retired 15 years and was living like a king in Patagonia. And Hannibal is intrigued…

B.A. chokes Richard Moll

And that’s for “Metalstorm: The Destruction of Jared-Syn”!

The Recap: Hannibal said at the end of part one that getting locked up by Doyle, the evil white guy, was a great way to meet up with Brian Lefcourt, and that part is true. But there’s a problem: Brian is wearing striped pants. Hannibal also thinks there’s something fishy going on further down the river with Doyle: B.A. says there was construction material on Bobbie’s barge… “and those guys ain’t building no church!” Sick of waiting, Hannibal taunts the guard, Richard Moll, until he gets so riled up he accidentally takes the co-star role in “Galaxis,” – er, actually he takes Face out of his cell and starts roughing him up. Face’s strategy here is pretty clever: he tricks Richard Moll into walking near B.A.’s prison cell, and the big man starts choking the other big man with the rope around his wrists! Murdock, still in prissy film director persona, is “directing” the action from his cell. “Get me that kid with the gold around his neck, he’s fantastic. Who’s his agent?” By the way, Murdock is wearing a shirt that says “God, Guns and Guts made America… let’s keep all three.”

Murdock's 'God, Guns and Guts' t-shirt
Actually, Murdock makes America great. Can we keep him?