The great food binge of 1997 is finally complete! Yes, it’s been seven years since Mike O and I had that spontaneous urge to race to the grocery store, buy up as many snack treats as possible, and begin eating them until we ran out. (Full disclosure: I still owe Mike $45,000 for my half of the food.) From 9 am to 5 pm, in the Food Binge room of Living Indefinitely HQ, Mike and I have been slowly working our way through the mountainous pile of mozzarella sticks, buffalo wings, mini-changas, crepes, french toast sticks and potato skins. We thought we were finished in 2001, but it turned out we were hallucinating from too many Little Debbie “Banana Star Cakes” and mistook a pile of pizza rolls for a North Korean intelligence officer. Oops!

Now the food is gone for real, and Mike and I are weighing our options for the next seven-year project. Max keeps suggesting we clip coupons for SuperCuts and get daily haircuts for seven years, but the idea hasn’t gone over well. Whatever happens, it won’t be another food binge.

After all, anybody who’s ever tried eating a 1997 vintage Cocktail Weiner in 2004 will naturally be a little food-shy.