Art Can Hurt

Pulgasari

Pulgasari has something in common with Kool Aid-Man; at one point he bypasses a door and busts through a brick wall for no discernible reason. What's Korean for "OH YEAH"?

Bay Coven

If I ever end up on death row, my last request will be to watch "Bay Coven," because the movie is so interminable it makes time slow down; my final moments on Earth will feel like an eternity.

Mega Piranha

If your movie gets its gravitas from Barry Williams, it's got problems bigger than a giant piranha that eats helicopters.

Robot Jox

In the future, your country can lose half its territory because your citizens weren't that into MechWarrior 2.

Justice League

This movie isn't merely ignoring the comic universe, it's puking large pieces of colorful barf all over it.

Think About This: A Workplace Safety Video

Welcome to the factory of the damned - "Modern Times" as directed by Sam Peckinpah and filmed by your cable access station.

Frogs

"This scary movie was so un-scary I was waiting for Count Floyd to come out."

Body Slam

When you're an 11 year old diehard wrestling nut in the midst of not only Hulkamania but Macho Madness, even a Dirk Benedict movie sounds exciting.

Death Sentence

"Having avenged his family, Cyborg Kevin Bacon and his half a teaspoon of remaining blood drive home to watch 'America's Funniest Home Videos.'"

FoxTrap

"Foxtrap" is most easily broken into three chapters: 1) there's Fred Williamson, 2) there's a few other characters, 3) Fred Williamson kills the other characters.
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Frogs

"This scary movie was so un-scary I was waiting for Count Floyd to come out."

The 1988 Crystal Light National Aerobics Championships

I'm fuzzy about the how and why of an aerobics competition. Aren't we ALL winners when we work out?

The Warriors

Somehow this movie manages to be ridiculous and fascinating at the same time.

Think About This: A Workplace Safety Video

Welcome to the factory of the damned - "Modern Times" as directed by Sam Peckinpah and filmed by your cable access station.

The Fear 2: Halloween Night

Trish gets into bed with Mitch, even though she'd told him ten minutes before that she wasn't stupid enough to fall for his smooth talk. Then Morty comes out of the closet and starts watching them! When they catch on, Morty throws Mitch out the window, and we see that Mitch's pants are somehow still on!