Dig deep enough into Christmas music and you’ll find lots of novelty songs along the lines of this one. But one of the guys who sings this curveball of a song has a musical history like nobody else.
This is, in fact, the Joe Pesci, the movie star; among other iconic roles, he redefined how far the word “shinebox” can push a man in Martin Scorsese’s “Goodfellas,” and, along with Daniel Stern, he redefined how far Macauley Culkin can push two men in John Hughes’ and Chris Columbus’s “Home Alone.” But before all that, Pesci was a pop singer. He put out his first record in 1968: “Little Joe Sure Can Sing” showcases the future screen legend, under the name Joe Ritchie, singing Beatles and Bee Gees numbers. The vibe is Frankie Valli minus the very high notes, which is only fitting because it was Joe Pesci who introduced Valli and some of the guys who would become the Four Seasons to Bob Gaudio, the songwriter who came up with some of the group’s biggest hits.
That’s not the man’s only brush with musical fame, either. Pesci had a short run as a guitarist with Joey Dee and the Starliters, who had a hit with the song “Peppermint Twist.” You know who else had a short run as a guitarist with Joey Dee and the Starliters? Jimi Hendrix.
By the 1970s, though, Joe Pesci’s pop singer days were behind him, and he was now half of a nightclub comedy act with Frank Vincent. Their stock in trade was insult comedy; onstage they’d sort of go at each other like a pair of dueling Don Rickleses, but their one holiday single takes an entirely different approach: Vincent is jolly old Saint Nick, while Pesci, whose ability to do impressions as a really young kid helped lead to his career as a child actor, does such a faithful Porky Pig voice here that Mel Blanc probably could’ve sent his lawyers after this track if it’d been a hit.
The next chapter in Joe Pesci’s weird-ass musical story came two decades after “Can You Fix The Way I Talk For Christmas,” and like three past “Little Joe Sure Can Sing.” Pesci made another album, but he wasn’t Joe Ritchie this time, nor was he a comedian. On “Vincent Laguardia Gambini Sings Just for You,” he sang as his character from the movie “My Cousin Vinny.” (The exception is on the rap song “Wise Guy” – yes, there is a Joe Pesci rap song!?! – where he’s definitely channeling his dramatic mob movie characters more than Vinny.) One of the songs on this album called “If It Doesn’t Snow On Christmas,” and I beg you not to play this one at work, as something like half of this song is f-bombs. Directed at kids. But I guess what else would you expect from a Joe Pesci Christmas song?
He has made several more albums over the last few decades, and he’s mostly settled into a pleasant, jazzy croon. But with a career like his, who knows what could happen next time he gets in front of a microphone? Next December the guy could release “Joe Pesci Sings 18 Hawaiian Christmas Classics” and I wouldn’t even bat an eye.
