Ok, this isn’t quite a song, though it is (partly) musical so we’ll allow it. In 1970 the US Postal Service wanted to make sure people sent their cards and packages to be delivered in time for Christmas, so they put together a public service announcement to spread the word. And what a public service announcement it is!

In the background, a group of singers does a bouncy, mail-themed version of the song “Try To Remember” from the musical The Fantasticks: “Try to remember these dates in December.” Then… Jack Webb? In the same no-nonsense, rapid-fire voice Detective Joe Friday used to press suspects on “Dragnet,” Webb lays down the law for gift-givers everywhere:

This is Jack Webb. When you mail on schedule during this holiday season, the Post Office is ready to deliver on schedule. Automated machinery from coast to coast will speed your ZIP coded letters and parcels to arrive in time for a Merry Christmas.

But remember: mail cards out of state by December 10th. Mail parcels to local and nearby areas by December 11th. And local cards by the 15th. Remember December 10th. 11th. And 15th.

The “or else” is so heavily implied that it doesn’t even need to be said out loud.

The irony of a troupe singing that you’ll “be a mellow fellow,” while Jack Webb is getting tough on holiday laggards!