Thank you all, thank you! [applause] I, uh, [more applause] Thank you, very much, thank you. I am absolutely thrilled to be here with you all today, and I am proud to accept the nomination of Living Indefinitely for Website of the United States! [loud applause, cheering]
We have made real history in our campaign to take back our Internet from the special interests, from the big websites that stopped caring about the rest of us long ago, from those that would put content before people. We have stood up to the powers that be and said, in the words of the late, great Owen Hart, “Enough is enough- it’s time for a change.” [applause]
But there is still much to be done. We have the support of thousands of loyal web browsers, but we must reach out to those who are not yet with us, that have given up on the Web because they feel the Web has given up on them. We must reach out to those who don’t know about us, that have been given a raw deal by the Big Websites and want something more. And we must stand up for what is right, and never, never, NEVER retreat from it! [applause]
Now, our opponents have taken to the usual mudslinging, the usual character assassination, websites as usual. They… [boos] They lie about our record, they lie about our platform, they play on the public’s fears and misconceptions. They do this because they haven’t accomplished anything, they have no plan for anything, they have nothing left but fear and misunderstanding.
So let’s look at the record. Seven columns, published monthly. More than a dozen CD’s of music and satire. Hundreds of jokes- we have brought jokes to hundreds of needy kids across the world. We have improved our layout repeatedly. Brought hundreds of new readers into our campaign. And we have stood up against websites that tell terrible jokes, that wouldn’t know a good joke if Groucho Marx himself had written it. That’s a record of accomplishment, a record of leadership. So I say to our opponents- stop lying about our record. [applause]
Our campaign for Website is built on people, not power, grassroots and not greenbacks. We are on the road to victory, and with your help, we will soon reach that victory. And when- [applause] And when we do, when we do, we will turn the Web into the greatest vehicle for human improvement since the invention of the Popeil Pocket Fisherman! I promise you this today, and I promise we will not fail! Thank you! [huge applause, music plays]