Penguins play soccer

Do you feel the excitement? Or at least hear, see or smell it? It’s World Cup time, and fans across the world are ready to cheer on their teams; in fact, over a billion people are expected to watch this year’s Cup, though hopefully not all at the same bar.

Now granted, a lot of these billion people are going to be wearing novelty hats and face paint, but even so, a billion is a lot of people; as far as I can tell, this tournament is about the only thing the whole world rallies around (at least on purpose – we passively unite on the inability to believe that it’s not butter).

That’s pretty special on its own, and the best part is it’s getting even more special thanks to some guy in South Korea, who decided to infect penguins with World Cup fever, dressing them in uniforms and putting them on a penguin-sized pitch.

I propose we go species by species, bringing each one into the World Cup mix over time, until literally the entire world is in on this thing. I’d go with elephants next, since they already play polo, or maybe donkeys, given their basketball prowess. Then something out of left field, like paramecium or hydrangeas, and the momentum will start building on itself. Granted, we might have to start holding World Cup tournaments in wildlife sanctuaries or other habitat (Great Barrier Reef 2018!) but the potential here is so huge it’ll be a small price to pay.

Who’s with me, besides uniformed penguins and soccer-loving I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter users?