i am looking for a coven were i can performe contact and make a path with the devil

Jonathan, from the internet

I’m sorry to say, Jonathan, that everything I know about covens comes from the highly plot-free made-for-TV movie “Bay Coven,” and from the rumors about Stevie Nicks having her own coven to cast wicked against Don Henley. Those rumors, by the way, are true – check out the video she made for the fan event “Night of a Thousand Stevies” in which she admits to having some kind of spooky shape-shifting powers:

Note also that Stevie Nicks has the power to resurrect old-timey fashions. I tried to do this myself so as to bring back hot pants, but I botched the spell and it only worked on cats. Now all the felines in my neighborhood are running around in adorable little cat-sized hot pants. Was that actually, then, a botch? I’m getting sidetracked.

You write, Jonathan, that you’d like a coven to “performe contact” which, judging from the medieval spelling of “performe” I can only take to mean that you’re interested in staging a Ren Fest-style version of the movie “Contact” starring Jodie Foster. Or maybe Stevie Nicks – that’s where those ball gowns might come in handy!

Or how about a parrot in hot pants? I could probably make that happen.

The last part of your question was about making “a path with the devil.” I don’t know whether city road planning is considered evil, or if Satan has any interest in building paths with anybody. I’ll cast a spell and attempt to find out…



argh, I messed it up again. No idea on Satan, Jonathan, but I do have a pig and three giraffes who want to clean up the last third of the Appalachian Trail with you.