I believe it was Mr. T who warned “if you don’t wear clothes, you’ll get arrested.” Well, my main man was proven right yet again by recent events in Rock Island, Rhode Island:

Rock Island police arrested a man found naked and covered in cooking spray early Monday in the downtown area.

It’s written so matter-of-factly, as if arresting people “covered in cooking spray” is a regular occurrence in Rock Island. (I’m hoping it isn’t, Rock Islanders, am I right here?)

Deputy Chief of Police Jeff VenHuizen said the man… told officers he had taken off his shorts because they were too big and would not stay on.

“He had lathered himself up in Crisco. He was covered in grease, and was holding the can under his arm. He said he was looking for a place to party.”

Cause when the party gets hot, only Crisco can make things all… smooth.

I'm Smooth

Still, this naked Crisco guy may have had a better week than Randy Travis.