Oh man, this day. Let’s get to it.

First, the guy with the “crime pays” tattoo on his forehead has been re-arrested and charged with several more crimes, suggesting the ink is more aspirational than accurate.

And in Yakima, Washington, somebody tried to rob a fast food place, only to be told by the cashier “You’re not robbing s___.” Let’s include the full exchange here, as reported by employees, because it’s kind of amazing.

“I’m robbing you,” the suspect said.

“You’re not robbing s***,” the cashier replied.

“Yeah I am. I need the money,” the suspect said.

“I will beat your a**. You want to go outside and handle this?”

If all that weren’t enough, there’s the attempted armed robbery in Louisville foiled by two married off-duty cops on their date night.

In happier news, it’s the 80th birthday of the incomparable Smokey Robinson, who I can only imagine is celebrating by going to a go-go.

I was a little puzzled when I saw that the BBC’s podcast 13 Minutes To The Moon was launching a second season, after season one told the entire story of the Apollo 11 mission. But then I listened to the preview and found out they’re covering the story of Apollo 13. Very exciting news.

And finally, there are now Peeps that taste like those Hot Tamales cinnamon candies. For whatever reason.